i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
