Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize