Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
