My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
