Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize