I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
