Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
