At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
