People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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