you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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