i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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