bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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