I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize