I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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