No, you can still breathe under the balls.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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