I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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