have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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