Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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