You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
