I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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