Welp...herpes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
