Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
