I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
