No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
