This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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