how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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