I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
