Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Walk of Shame today included voting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
