are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
