the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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