Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
