whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
