Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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