there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
