you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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