sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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