Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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