I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize