Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
