Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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