What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
