the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
