Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
