He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
