was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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