Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
