I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
