I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
