i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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