glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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