also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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