with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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