did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
40s are totally the cure
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
