would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
