There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
