just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
