"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
