pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
