Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
