So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
