i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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