Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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