Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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