Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need water and some morals
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
