Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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