I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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