Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
