I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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