A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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