She tied me up with her honor cords...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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