Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize