so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
