My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
