I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize