Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You made out with two different species that night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
