I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
