Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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