If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize