My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
