dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
