apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
