nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
