She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't put those talents on a resume
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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