just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
