Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize