I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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