We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
