yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
