Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
