i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who died my cat blue again?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize