Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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