Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
