dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
