new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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