Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
