I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
