i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
