Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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