I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
