you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
