I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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