ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
