No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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