She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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