i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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