Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
