Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize