you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
