Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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