I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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