Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
how drunk are you?
Several
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
