i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
