Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
