non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You took a bar mat shot.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize