i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
