just come out here and I will go home with you...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
